it's just been a crazy few days. it's been worse than the other times because it's no longer just me in this. I'm involving someone I care about so much... I wish I didn't. I don't want him hurting cause I am. I don't need any more pain. I'm just so scared of my thoughts and just try to do something productive... but the thoughts penetrate the barrier that I try to build. I thought I grew out of this. I thought that this was the thing of the past. I guess it's just something that I'm going to have to deal with. but I need it to be alone. im so tired of hurting my bf, I don't want him to see me like that and be hurt. I just want it to stop. I want these thoughts to go away. I would never wish this upon my greatest enemy, these are just too destructive. I'm so overwhelmed with everything. I'm scared to do anything about it. but I need a specialist. I need real help. I don't want to feel broken, but I am. I can't pretend I'm not anymore. I'm broken. I need someone to fix me... or atleast help fix me. I don't know why my life is crumbling before my eyes.