my bf finally got a job. I'm so proud of him. I'm excited for him to start his career. I keep making remarks like "you're gonna pay for me" or "you're gonna buy me this/that" its not because I expect it (maybe a little) but I want the satisfaction of him saying "of course i will". Its just the thought of it makes me happy. He's finally going to be able to buy things for himself (and me :P) with his own hard-earned money. The reason why I spend money on him is because I want to, and he deserves it. He was always like "you didn't have to" or he would get mad at me. I know its because theres a type of guilt he has inside because he knew he couldn't get me anything because he didn't have any money of his own.

But now, he can get me whatever, and be proud of it. There's nothing I really want from him, except food. But, I also want to have time with him. Actually, that's all I want. I want time with him. Money cannot buy time. But he told me that once he got a job, he said he might be able to hang out with me. That "might" is the only thing I hate about that sentence. I've been told that I've been so patient with him, considering how he's not even allowed to hang out with me. I don't want him to be ridiculed anymore, from our friends and my family, and I really hope that it's going to change from now on.

I hate his "I just cant" I bet I would be able to drive by the time he gets the balls to actually drive with me in the car. I will pay for gas, I'll pay whatever he wants. I just want him to be able to see me without  someone else in the car. yenno those pictures of couples who hold hands while the bf is driving.. I've always wanted to do that. but all I could think of is his family being in the back seat or something. I'm almost 19, I don't want to be driven around by his family.

I'm in a sour mood now. jesus.