ugh, I'm not feeling myself lately. getting maaaad anxiety. I hate it. I'm trying not to let it get to me. I need to think positively.
idk, I don't think I want to have a birthday party anymore. there's no point.
ugh. seriously. why now? i don't want this feeling anymore.
CONT' 1:44 AM
Just finished watching snooki and jwoww's new show. it was recapping their moments in js and special character moments. it showed the italy episode where Gionni shows up and snooki runs to the door, she opens it and sees him, I felt her heart burst, and she started crying. they hugged, snooki was still crying. all he said was "did you miss me?" still crying she was nodding yes while still in his arms. You have no idea how many times I've felt like doing that. when I see my boyfriend, I want to burst into tears because I'm so happy. Obviously because we're not allowed to be together, according to his mom.
My boyfriend is amazing. He is everything you can ever ask for, except he takes his priorities seriously. I'm not up there. but he's one of mine. This makes everything so hard. I would do anything just to sit on a couch, cuddle up, and watch a movie, or tv. I don't want any judging minds around. But no matter where I go, there will always be some. Just him is what's keeping me, there are so many things that are pushing me away. I don't know if I'm strong for staying, or weak for not letting go. My heart says to stay, but my mind tells me to go. I'm just tired of being hurt, and sometimes for no reason.
Obviously, I cried like a bitch during that js episode, and when it recapped a few minutes ago, and as I type that previous paragraph. I talked to him during my break, he sounded like he didn't want to talk to me. whatever.
ugh, I'm so stressed right now. I need someone to cuddle up with, to kiss me on the forehead and tell me everything is okay. I can't even tell anyone this right now, because I'll just end up crying like the little bitch i am.