I apologized. He just made it worse by keep making things worse. I already had a shitty day. It's still not okay. Told him about my shitty day, how I feel worthless. He keeps telling me not to compare myself, but still. How is it not possible living in his shadow. The fact that he kept going on and on about his fucking day as a health care aide, didnt help at all. He didn't take a hint that I didn't want to talk about it. I still fucking listened.
This wasn't what I wanted. I wanted him to be nice to me. I wanted him to listen, not advise. I need someone who will make me feel better, make me feel pretty, not tell me what I'm doing wrong and say "family members are allowed to call you fat" no. just no. This doesnt make it better. He fell asleep.
"You get mad if I do something, and you get mad if I do the opposite. You're never satisfied" lets talk phone calls. I do not have a limit. he does. when we talk on the phone on saturday to thursday , it starts around 7 and he has to go around 9 or 10. Fridays are usually from 10 to 12, or to 3.
the other day I said I wouldn't be home until 10:30 and we can talk after. He said it was only until 12. Thats when I got pissed. I hate having a limit. I dont need a limit when I want to talk to someone. I just hung up on him at this moment because he fell asleep. EXACTLY at 3. It's not like I wanted him to keep talking anyways, it was making me more depressed. I don't want to hear about how much people love him, how pretty he thinks ariana grande is. I wanted to hear how much he loves me. How pretty he thinks I am.
I didn't get that. I'm still kinda broken from today, from everyday. Every single day is a struggle. Trying to get by, without making myself cry myself to sleep. I'm too broken for this world.
Just checked my phone, he messaged. he did wake up. if he really wanted to say goodnight, he should have called me back. But he didn't. He obviously just said that to try to make me feel better. I have to wake up in 5 hours, I was already asleep by the time he called me and started bitching.
I'm not feeling well. My thoughts are taking over.