I'm so annoyed right now. I went out w/ my bf to the movies and used a gift card, it was a good movie. idk, I got kinda annoyed by the fact that he kept asking if i wanted anything, and i honestly didnt want anything, but he said "you can get whatever you want, I have money" I honestly didnt care if he had money or not, its just that sometimes I feel that he ALWAYS needs money. I want to just hang out with him. NO ONE else but me and him. no family, no outings, just sitting on the couch watching tv. I'm tired of dressing up just to hang out with him. I think I was annoyed because i hated feeling so dressed up. I hate being annoyed when I'm with him. I don't even know the next time we'd be able to hang out. I'm assuming just on my birthday, which is 2 months away. I don't want to feel so alone anymore. I'm putting up with his last few weeks of school. He says when he makes his own money, he'll be able to hang out with me more. I hope its just us. I'm tired of him thinking "hanging out" means with his family. it's never with my family. I want his family to accept him hanging out with me. we're smart about what we do.

I just don't know what I'd do with myself if things dont change after he gets a job and makes his own money. I'm still with him, because he said "if you want to break up, its okay, we're still gonna be best friends". no. just no. I can't just be friends with him. There are some people where I don't need to start from the beginning, and I like that. I just want him to spend more time with me, just me. I don't care if this is selfish. up until now, this relationship it's been ME coming over to his school and surprising him, going to HIS house to talk, buying HIM things. This relationship needs to reciprocate, not money wise, but work wise. right now i feel like its me 80, him 20. It needs to be 100/100. we need to keep trying to make this work. He'll be working at least 4 times a week i'd like to have one of the 3 days of the week that he'd be free. I've told myself many, many times that I wouldn't plan anything anymore, just so I won't get my hopes up and then have it dropped down in an instant. I am not allowed to run people's lives, but if they let me, I'd be pretty damn good at it.

I would drop almost anything just to be with him. I respect the things he needs to do, but I'm not an ordinary friend to him. I'm his girlfriend. He is the one I see at the end of the isle when I'm walking in my wedding dress. Everything just seems so far. Sacrifice comes with love and commitment. There hasn't been one day where I haven't been faithful, and I would sacrifice anything to be with him. If that isn't love, then I probably don't know what it is.