I don't know how long I can feel like this anymore. I can no longer take feeling sad because my boyfriend doesnt want to hang out with me. I gave hints all day about wanting to hang out with him. He just kept changing the subject. I want a straight answer. I want him to want to hang out with me. I don't want to hear about jessica sanchez, and how pretty she sings or that she might win american idol. I want to talk about me. It's been ages since I heard "you're pretty today". no saying "I like you're outfit today" doesn't count, that wasnt about ME it was about what I was wearing. I need someone who's willing to go out of their way to be with me.

The other day, I admit, i was stupid. But I was frustrated, and I wanted him to know, he just kept rubbing in my face that I'm stupid and wrong and everything I never wanted to be. Maybe he's right. Everytime he says "so.. what's going to happen to us?" like its my decision. MY decision if we end up together or not. I only keep saying that because I want him to know how it feels to be me. I'm practically the glue to this relationship. when I want to do something, I have to say it and wait for HIS response. I want it to be the other way around. I'm waiting for the day where I hear "today, we're going to do this, I'll be at your house soon" I want that. I want to be with him because he wants to be with me.

I'm so tired of my mind being so stupid. It cannot get enough of this envy. I can't stop seeing him with her and it's freaking me out. It ruins my mood, but I need to make sure that its not real.

you just left me. left me in the state I clearly was in, and you didnt care. I want you to care about me. I need you to be ready for this kind of commitment. Tell me if you're not. TELL ME. don't leave me guessing. Dont' lie to me that "you're going to sleep" when you tweet 2 hours later that you're going to sleep and you have a post about you i tumblr. just stop it. stop playing games with me.

I need to change this. I NEED TO. my heart has been begging to stop hurting but all I do is say "its going to be okay" then Its not, and my heart cries.