I'm so frustrated with everything right now. I can't even talk to anyone. I'm supposed to call my bf when I got home, its been almost half an hour since I've gotten here. I'm just not ready to speak about it to anyone.

today was a long day. I had to go to absolute zero practice at fucking 10 AM. It was so annoying. We have to learn 3 new songs by wednesday. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO THAT. I'm not a fucking wizard. I need time. I'm not as musically inclined as everyone else in the fucking group. It was fun being with them, but I don't want to perform anymore. I just can't. Every time I feel like I have the balls to tell them about what I plan to do, I choke because my anxiety gets the best of me. I hate feeling that I disappointed everyone. I'm so angry at myself.

I had work at 2, I finished practicing at 1. Work was okay, for the first part. I was doing pretty well, smiling, upselling and giving proper change. EVERYTIME theres a section that's trashed, I get put into there because i clean up pretty well. on saturdays i usually get out around 6:30-6:45. I was determined to get out by 7. I didn't. I was off at 7:45. WHY? because my job SUCKS ASS. They give me 3 of the worst sections, with people who just talk forever. I just wanted to get out. My parents had somewhere to be, and now they're late. They could have easily left me stranded. I'm so sick of everything. I just wanna go bury myself in a hole and die in it sometimes.

CONT. (2h later)

it's annoying, I finally tell my bf about how I feel, and he thinks I'm just over-reacting. He doesn't know how it feels like to be the shadow of peers. He's always shone in his darkest moments. I'm just getting dimmer and dimmer each day. I hate this. He doesn't even believe in me, I need someone to. Someone to take my side. He just tells me to stop crying. I want him to tell me everything will be okay. I want to be told that I'm strong enough to get this. I'm so tired of bottling up my feelings. I need someone to snap me out of this funk.