Yesterday the couple sweaters came in. I'm planning to give it to him soon, but I don't think its worth it right now. All the money I spend in this relationship, ugh. I know I don't have to, but I want to. I want to get his attention, so he can appreciate me. Appreciate that he's worth all the time in the world. But I want to feel that way too. I waited and waited last night, once I finally got the call, he was MORE THAN half asleep, he barely said 5 words to me. I'm not gonna wait around when he sleeps anymore. When I fall asleep he just hangs up on me. When he falls asleep, I feel bad and just want to wait until he wakes up and says bye or something. He chooses to sleep or watch his favorite show over me. I know I've promised "forever" so many times. But if this keeps up, forever will end quickly. I love him. I really do, with all my heart. It just seems all the fights just keep coming one after another. I know it's all me. I have an anxiety problem, I am prone to over-thinking things. It doesn't help that I'm alone a lot of the time. I know I'm difficult, but I feel like I don't know how to cope with it. I'm just tired of the one doing the work, the "surprising," the one making the effort to see the other. I can't even see him two weeks in a row once a week, its "too much" and I'm only allowed "once in a while" I'm not sorry that I keep trying. I'm not sorry that I want to see someone I care about. When I do see him, its never "just us" we have to be doing something. I just want to be with him. He says he needs money to hang out with me. Not in my case. Sitting around watching T.V would be fine. His expectations are so much higher then mine and I don't know if I reach them anymore. I probably used to, but not anymore. I keep getting abused by my feelings, and I hate when it hurts my heart just to think. ugh, relationships hurt.