I refuse to let myself answer his phone calls. I want to be myself. Before I met him. 10 months ago. I don't care if im heartbroken. If he wants to break up with me, so be it. I will not force him to be my boyfriend if he doesnt want to. Heartbreak takes time to heal, I don't want to live a lie anymore. This makes me so frustrated. I feel like shit right now. If I didn't have a boyfriend it would be so much better. seriously. I need this to stop. I don't want to do this anymore. not anymore. I know I keep saying these things to myself. But I don't know what else to do. I havent tweeted all day because I refuse to let him know how I feel anymore, because It always seems to backfire. ALL the time, when I want to get MY opinion, it seems like its one of the seven deadly sins. If he read this blog, he'd break up with me in a milli-second. The instant he reads my posts of anger. my posts of past loves. he'd be jealous and frustrated at the same time. He needs to stop getting jealous of me. I constantly get jealous of him, he has fun with his family. His family loves him unconditionally. My family just runs away from their problems, which causes the problems to escalate. He has his life to live, I interfere because he has to "make time" for me. I'm pretty sure I'm only mad at him because when I talked to Averey, he never said bye to me. He was there all the time for me, when I needed him, he was right there. He was constantly on the line, it was a comfortable silence when we were sleeping on the phone together. He was the last and first thing I heard. It just felt good. To have someone there for you. Is he the person I thought averey was? am I trying to make him the person I fell in love with before him? was I trying to fill in the void? I'm really confused. am I not in love with the person he is?