do I feel left out? yes. But I don't want to bother you about anything right now. You already have too much on your plate, and obviously I do too. It's just you're so busy with your life and I'm doing absolutely nothing. I think I'm poisoning myself. It kinda really hurts. You want to hang out with your jr high friends, cool. Will there be girls? yes. will there be the girl that I know about but not know who she is and will she be there? maybe. I don't know. I guess I'm scared about that too. His "dance group" also my friends are always having practice. He seems to have more time to "practice" they barely practice. He's barely allowed to see me. Which bothers me too. It hurts, hurts like a bitch. I doubt they'll make it. But I think that its because I'm jealous of the time he spends with them. And I don't want him to be far away if he makes it.
The other day we were talking about our "future" or the one that we hope to have together. It got me scared. I don't know what I'm going to do because I don't know if I'm good enough. like come on bro, me? being a doctor? That's not gonna happen. I'm not good enough, lets be real about it. Like really? do you think of all people in the world, I would be successful? I'd love to be, trust me. But with everything I've been through, my lack of dedication to school work and my laziness who would think I'd be, of all people, successful.
so otp w/ my boyfriend. He didnt answer a question I asked. I hate that awkward silence between us. He either didnt hear the question, or did and isnt answering. like seriously fuck, don't complain about shit if you dont want me to do anything about it. like shut the fuck up. I'm sorry, I'm raging here because I can't rage on the phone. I dont type a lot anymore because MSN is so a million years ago and every one is just on their phones and stuff. Everyone has a cellphone now.
bipolar. I'm happy now. ugh. Its so annoying how he can just flip around an emotion like its a fucking pancake. but idk he cant really cook. omg k i'll just shut up now, I'm taking nonstop now. tee tee why elle yo!