so, maybe he just lusts for me. Life feels so boring. hes locked up which makes me feel locked up with him. I don't wanna do anything without him if it doesnt involve family. he's leaving for his trip in about a week and a few days. Its not fair that he wants to read this. why can't I have more secrets. I'm just really pissed off at him. ugh. fuck. my life sucks. I hate this. I don't know what to do. I keep questioning myself, does that mean it's not worth it? apparently its not, if you keep questioning it. But this is different. this is so much more different then way before. I'm scared. scared to put trust into him. I feel so broken. why. why her? I always feel so intimidated by all the other girls. he has so much more fun with everyone else. I'm getting boring to him, I am assuming. his phone calls are just a casualty. He doesn't really wanna talk to me. I really wish I could read his mind, just to see where his heart is at, if he thinks of me, or when this will ever make sense and make it all worth every single ounce of my being. and every single tear. I need to make this work. I hate how I try so hard. I can't say "I love you" anymore without questioning myself. I do love him, but I'm just afraid of not being loved back . Everyone seems to get sick of me and is scared to let me know, so they have to somehow "trick" their way out of it. ugh. My head says no, my heart says to keep trying. I don't know how to feel.