the week before my debut, was the most stressful, difficult and... the most happiest time of my life. My sister and her child drove w/ my sister's boyfriend all the way from B.C to here. I graduated. I spent time w/ the love of my life, my family that I haven't seen in 6 years flew in just to celebrate me. My debut was a bitter sweet kinda feeling. It was good that people came just to celebrate me, it was really different. It weird being the centre of attention when you're not used to it. My boyfriend wanted to spend time with me during the event, but I was too busy greeting and keeping other occupied. My godchild, all he wanted was my attention but I could only give him about a maximum 30 seconds. Everyone who ever meant anything to me had come. The few who didn't come clearly don't give a shit about how I feel. its either you lied, or you don't even care. so a big FUCK YOU goes to you guys. not that you're gonna read this, or even care. Whatever, you're fucking loss. I forgot to invite some people because I never see them around, and I felt really bad. so my apologies. two weeks after my debut, I'm sitting in my room making this blog. My sister left earlier this week, on tuesday to be exact. They left at noon. We were all hanging out for a while, my godson didn't really understand what was going on, but once they actually left he was crying for me and all I could do was walk away because I didn't want him to see me cry. I didn't cry that day. I hung out with my boyfriend a few days after, at his house. we took pictures on my laptop where I literally bring everywhere. recorded a few things. that night, he called me. I cried so much. I cried every bit and piece of my soul. I cried about how I just walked away. How all I wanted was to watch my godchild grow up. I'd give everything for him to just stay and have a stable environment. He is the reason why im so strong. my boyfriend was crying too. He knows how much my godchild means to me. He loves him too. my boyfriend knows that he was the key to my happiness. I just wish he was here right now. I'm breaking apart slowly. Everything is beginning to feel so incomplete again. everyone I love is slowly leaving me. The day of my convocation, before my debut, my aunt in B.C had died from liver cancer. She was the aunt who everyone compared me to, and said I was just like her. I wanted her to see me turn 18. Her viewing was a few days ago. my dad was so sad he couldnt even go to work the next day because he cried so much. My sister got home in time for the funeral. Though I haven't gotten to know my aunt, she will forever be alive in my heart. Today one of my cousins from B.C had flown back. I still had my other cousin and my aunt still here. I don't want them to leave. They're the only things that keeps me from breaking down in front of everyone. I went from finally complete to broken all over again. I cried because my boyfriend said he wanted to go to sleep. I didn't want anyone I loved to leave me anymore. It hurts too much. :( I really need help. I need someone to cry on, I feel so weak all the time. I'm trying to spend every waking moment with my family. I don't know when I'll end. my boyfriend is going on vacation soon, hes gonna leave me. my bestfriend is going to a conference. what am I supposed to do without them?? :(
" If there is ever a tomorrow when we are not together
there is something you must always remember;
you are braver than you believe,stronger than you seem
and smarter than you think, but most important of all, even if we are apart, I’ll always be with you."