Everytime Thursday, February 3, 201111:46 PM / top
Hello dear blogspot. it has been a long long while. shall I update you? I shall. Well, I have a loving boyfriend now. His name is Arjel Rhay Hernandez and I think he may be the one, as cliche as it may sound. So, today I was told by my mom that I shouldnt suffocate my boyfriend. But I didn't know I was doing that. I asked him, he hesitated before his answer, which totally means I am. Idk, he's just someone who knows me inside out. I told myself never to become attached again, but I just keep falling. I'm doing everything wrong though, I make big deals about things. But then again, so does he. I don't want to. But I just think its better to say what I'm thinking then not saying it and keeping secrets from my boyfriend. Everything I do is wrong. I always cry, and burden him with my problems. He told me it was fine, but no its not. Its never okay, I need to learn to deal with my problems. I need a therapist or something. I don't wanna do this anymore. Its so hard trying to be someone that I truly cannot be. My parents expect so much from me, I don't think I can do it. there's so much going through my mind. I don't know why I'm like this. I hate being like this. I don't want to disappoint anymore. But thats all I do. no one ever tells me "good job" or "i'm proud of you"
I'm breaking down, more and more each day. I don't understand why this is so hard on me. I want someone just to be there while I cry and not judge me, not to tell me what to do. and they'll just stay with me with a comfortable silence, no time limits, nothing. just forever in nothingness. That's what I need. I don't know what else to say. I guess I just need someone who I know won't leave me alone. loneliness is killing me. I have no one to really talk to you, because people think they get me, but they don't. no one can see how much this is killing me inside day after day. Everyone that said that their here for me, always end up leaving. don't fucking tell me to be optimistic, cause look where that has lead me. I had been turned away from everyone. I'm fucking messed up. I'm scarred for life.
tears hurt, unbearable pain in each of them. unspoken words because the feelings are indescribable.
It's hard to hold back tears when your fears come true. '8
" If there is ever a tomorrow when we are not together
there is something you must always remember;
you are braver than you believe,stronger than you seem
and smarter than you think, but most important of all, even if we are apart, I’ll always be with you."