"baby boy all I do is think of you all the times that we spent and my dreams comes true reminiscin' bout the past and the future too you know yer feelin me (and I'm feelin you)"
-deestylistic
kaay well, im doing better than yesterday, just not much better. I was awake until 2 just .. lying on my bed thinking. so many different scenarios and possiblities for things. so annoying. yesterday i had a one on one .. on one on one. LOL pretty intense stuff, things i didnt know before, but i cant second think things. cause if i do, it may lead me to question my faith, but I KNOW now that He is Lord and He will not let me doubt my faith. But it doesnt hurt to be a little more careful.
.. Remember when you used to tell me you loved me? even at the end of every sentance? remember when .. I thought you were the one for me? yenno, sometimes I miss that. I just thought i'd say, cause I guess you can say I miss 'us' .. at times. I guess this is the kind of time. I just had time to think, and you just randomly came up, because yenno .. im a random person. its funny how I have so many opportunites to talk to you, but I dont even try. But i remember how you used to play with my knuckles a certain way when we held hands, how I used to just love being with you every moment of everyday, and when you werent around I'd text you to see what you're doing and you'd do the same. But its for the best right? its not that it was wrong to do that, but we're just not meant to be, i guess.
Its not that im resorting back to this cause that other person is confusing me. which they are. I just .. dont want to interfere. He's already busy as it is. even if i were to get with him, he may not have time for me, which im perfectly fine with .. like i know how busy he is, but I just want him to know so many things .. I wish he was mine, hes not an object or anything. But im a jealous girl, i know its bad, i've been trying to stop it lately, but im only human. all i can do is hide it, its been working lately, but now i dont think he thinks i like him. but i dont even know if he knows i like him anyways, but it seemed like it in the beginning. URGH why do guys have to be confusing?
saaaaaaaaaaargent park, oh how i miss thee. hanging out with our uberly big group. HAHA moneck 'popular weirdos'. a clique that we named ourselves, cause yenno .. there was .. the fobs, the jocks, the nerds, the outsiders/loners .. then there was us . the popular weirdos. i can honestly say that we were the largest. oh and you may ask .. what bout the musical people? WELL .. most of us were in music, only because in the eighth grade there was the music trip, and in the ninth grade we joined for the 1/2 credit. for i guess .. a 1/2 head start, so chhhyeahhh. I tried too hard in junior high to be a jock, i joined cross country, volleyball, track and basketball in the seventh grade. I SUCKED.. so badly. hahah . then in the eigth grade .. i joined those again, but i became a manager for track and field, so i went without actually participating, but its so much harder being a manager. I have to be organized and stuff. thank God kim was there to pull me through. k .. that was grade 8 year, grade 9 year .. i was a manager for cross country .. same old same old, volleyball, i became a score keeper, then i tried out for basketball, i didnt make the team, apparently someone had a say in it and i wasnt 'good enough' .. but anyways i got cut, and i became a basket ball scorekeeper, 'apparently' i was the 'mom' of everyone, cause i was so organized, and i must say, i was one of the best. I had to do a WHOLE GAME doing paper and score clock, pretty intense, good thing sargent doesnt have shot clocks. and yeah .. i guess i was so much better with being a scorekeeper, it got me involved in the game without actually playing, but i missed playing. After scorekeeping , i knew all the rules and everything. I even learned the signals for EVERYTHING. oh how i loved it. then track and field came once again, I really .. didnt have that much fun, because the grade 8ers were ... totall jonzes. they forget to do something .. and i get blamed for it. but chyeahh .. we pulled through .. i guess. I miss the grade 9 managing team .. Murt and jers and me. <3>
" If there is ever a tomorrow when we are not together
there is something you must always remember;
you are braver than you believe,stronger than you seem
and smarter than you think, but most important of all, even if we are apart, I’ll always be with you."