If I just stop letting my emotions get to me. If I stop bursting out in emotions. everything would be better.
From what I've learned, anxiety can lead to depression. I guess I've gotten there. I shouldn't count on anybody. I need to stop depending on people.. because it always leads to disappointment when they cannot be there for me 24/7.
I'm surprised my heart hasn't stopped beating from all the heartbreak.
How is it possible to stay hydrated from the tears that I've shed?
How is it possible to love when I don't even love myself?
I need to be reminded, every day, as much as possible.
How do I compete with everyone else?
you can't.
How do I get rid of these feelings?
they'll never escape
Will I ever be able to love myself again?
I guess you'll never know
I don't love myself because all I bring to people is misery. All I do is find the worst thing in the most beautiful situation.
HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY ALLOW ME TO LIVE WITH THIS CONSTANT REMINDER THAT I AM NOT LOVED.
can someone please just take my emotions and throw them away? I'm so tired of feeling like this. I want to stop crying, I want to stop waking up with swollen eyes, I want to stop crying in the shower, I want to take all this pain away.
Please.
I just want to be happy, and I guess you have to earn it.. but someone please lead the way.
I'm constantly reminded how much I'm not good enough. How much just being me is wrong. How much of a burden I am to someone who doesn't understand the circumstances of being in a rut of depression.
Teenage years are supposed to be when this would be experienced. I'm turning 21 this year and I'm practically an adult, why must this happen during the years where I should be on my way to having my own life?
Why must this hinder me from becoming a woman? why must I continue to be a little girl longing to be loved?
I know who I love, and I know how much I love them. But I don't make the list.
I constantly try to make myself priority, but it always backfires.
my pain is unavoidable. the anxiety comes and goes.
I watch some videos on how people felt when someone they loved committed suicide and it broke my heart, knowing that I could potentially do that damage to people.
Especially my mom. I love her so much, she has constantly been supporting me and loving me from day one. There is nothing in this world that I can do to repay her for all the things she's done to me. I can never leave this world knowing that she misses me, knowing that I did the worst thing that a person could ever do to someone they loved. I would never.
I'm not saying that the thought hasn't come up.
I just know I can't do that to my mom.
She is my strength, and maybe the only person that I know I love and who will love me endlessly.
Oh God, please. I need this strength, to continually make my mother proud, to give her everything she wants of me.
I just want to do that in my life. Make her proud, knowing she has raised a good kid.
I want to give her the world, because she gave me this world, and I just want to give her the rest of hers.
I know that I don't love myself. But I know that I love her.
I don't need to love myself to love my mom, she taught me everything I know about love and the only one who's always been there to show it,
Thank you Mom, for always giving me strength even though you have no idea what I go through on a daily basis. I would never want you to know though, I want you to see how happy you make me and how I'm glad to be alive. I know that if you found out about my pain, you will also be in pain. I dont want to inflict pain onto you, ever. I'm sorry I ever did.
I have many consecutive bad days.. but I know, deep down, that my life doesn't suck. My life is good, its just that my mind always finds the bad, and my heart is so fragile.
I need to stop feeling so much sadness.
Help.
But I know I will never commit suicide, I will never allow my family to have that pain.