the other day a group of friends and I were discussing what made us feel good. I was on the verge of tears for some stories, then when it was my turn, I bawled. It was about how I was always compared with my older sister, who decided to make bad decisions in her youth. My aunt, is the only one who's ever told me
"you're a good kid, I hope my kids grow up to be like you." Now that I think of it, it could have put so much pressure on me, you know, like, trying to be good to be a role model for them. But it made me feel good, almost-gonna-cry kind of good.It was liberating knowing that someone actually appreciated how hard I'm trying to impress my parents.
Last night, she was ranting on about things, and said "
if I had a million dollars, I would pay for your school, but I'm not rich, I'm flat broke" that made me feel good. Someone other then my parents care about me. I don't know why this always brings me to tears, but its kind of hard accepting the fact that other people love me.
Now on to the title, "Love Language." Which is a book. Apparently there are 5 different ways to show your affection; Service, affirmation, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Right now, I feel like I am a mix between gifts and quality time. I love quality time, "one on one" sessions w/ my friends that are in need are one of my favorite things to do. But I love buying gifts for people. Especially when its random and I know it would make them feel good or if I need to apologize. Speaking is so much harder for me. so actually, I think mine is gifts. I'm usually good with ink and paper.
sigh.. saying all of this makes me realize that I'm usually so sour because I don't feel loved enough. I know I should be. I'm so jealous of people who are showered with love all the time by so much people, but I know there are a few people who love me so much. I don't know where this emptiness comes from.
But I know I'll find it soon.
I have an exam in about 12 hours. I need to get some sleep and get up early to study. I guess I'll just leave it at this.