Bitter.
Friday, March 30, 2012 7:01 PM /
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I know why I'm so bitter towards you. no, its not that I see you as a threat to my relationship, no, its not because you are one of my boyfriend's closest friends and see him every day. It's because I think you're so sketch. You can't ask me a question directly, you have to go to someone else to ask me. I'm glad you fucking asked someone else. I don't remember why I helped you in the first place. I'm only being nice to you because you're my boyfriend's friend. You're sucha prissy little bitch. You need to get real and suck it up.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Somewhere Out There.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012 11:07 PM /
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I'm seriously sick and tired of this. being last to everything. I know it should be school, family etc. over me. why can't I go first for once? JUST ONCE. If i'm selfish for wanting your attention. if I'm inconsiderate because I'm finally tired of being pushed around. FUCK THIS SHIT. I honestly don't need someone who doesn't care about how I feel. I can do so much better than you. BUT I DECIDE TO STAY. I hate this, feeling so bad all the time. It's so freaking annoying. I'm tired of the you, you, you. heres another "you" FUCK YOU. ugh. i'm so tired of you. 500 days with you starting tomorrow, march 14. thats too much. I only stay because everyone loves you so much. Everyone thinks that we're perfect. I hate you, I hate what you do to me. I hate how you make me feel this way when I don't deserve it. God help me. you're never around when I need you. you turn your damn phone off when you're sleeping. I hate you. I hate every single bit of you.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Starlit Nights.
Sunday, March 4, 2012 10:59 PM /
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Now that I'm finally alone, I feel like I'm the bad guy now. I know it's not all his fault, and its not all my fault. We're just dysfunctional couple, but I'll choose this moment over any other moment with anyone else. Despite the fact that he's tweeting sad things and knowing that I see it. Maybe I'll give him space for a few days for him to cool off cause he's probably super mad at me because of what I'm doing to him. But I know I feel like I've gotten everything off my chest, all the anger I've been piling up, all the tears (even though I've been crying alone) but it's all out. My textbook has been teaching me about coping with stress, confession is one of the most powerful thing to help. I guess thats why I've been better stress-wise. After everything I've been through in the past month, has been super hard on me, and I guess I've just been a little tough on everyone around me. no one reads my blog, but.. I'm sorry everyone that I've been burdening my problems on. I'll try harder to be a better friend.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Cupid.
Saturday, March 3, 2012 12:06 PM /
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When you're in love everything feels like it goes your way. When you're in love everyday feels like the perfect day and I hope that I feel this way forever. Hope that its me and you together and I don't wanna waste another moment.
Yesterday the couple sweaters came in. I'm planning to give it to him soon, but I don't think its worth it right now. All the money I spend in this relationship, ugh. I know I don't have to, but I want to. I want to get his attention, so he can appreciate me. Appreciate that he's worth all the time in the world. But I want to feel that way too. I waited and waited last night, once I finally got the call, he was MORE THAN half asleep, he barely said 5 words to me. I'm not gonna wait around when he sleeps anymore. When I fall asleep he just hangs up on me. When he falls asleep, I feel bad and just want to wait until he wakes up and says bye or something. He chooses to sleep or watch his favorite show over me. I know I've promised "forever" so many times. But if this keeps up, forever will end quickly. I love him. I really do, with all my heart. It just seems all the fights just keep coming one after another. I know it's all me. I have an anxiety problem, I am prone to over-thinking things. It doesn't help that I'm alone a lot of the time. I know I'm difficult, but I feel like I don't know how to cope with it. I'm just tired of the one doing the work, the "surprising," the one making the effort to see the other. I can't even see him two weeks in a row once a week, its "too much" and I'm only allowed "once in a while" I'm not sorry that I keep trying. I'm not sorry that I want to see someone I care about. When I do see him, its never "just us" we have to be doing something. I just want to be with him. He says he needs money to hang out with me. Not in my case. Sitting around watching T.V would be fine. His expectations are so much higher then mine and I don't know if I reach them anymore. I probably used to, but not anymore. I keep getting abused by my feelings, and I hate when it hurts my heart just to think. ugh, relationships hurt.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥