Fixing a Broken Heart.
Sunday, September 25, 2011 10:14 AM /
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Today. It will be the day where he misses me more than I miss him. I hope I go through with this. I need this to stop. Stop being so submissive to him. What am I supposed to do? He gets me mad all the time, but I always stop being mad at him because I love him more than I love being right. I swallow my pride for him. He's my whole world, I'd be nothing without him. SEE, now I want to talk to him and tell him how much I love and miss him. my heart still hurts, but I know I love him and nothing would change that.
stop Ardia. stop. You're supposed to be mad. Stop missing him, just for a while. be away from him for a while. take a breather. please, this is good for you.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Wet The Bed.
Saturday, September 24, 2011 10:35 PM /
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so, I finally saw one of my friend's bf sing. my friend's a guy. let me just get that out there. they're bf and bf. My friend's bf sings very well. I love a voice on a guy, especially if its one who can make good riffs. my bf totally just fucking got all bitchy and made me fucking feel so shitty. it took a while, but he told me he was jealous. jealous that i was getting all cheesed over someone elses voice. what the FUCK am i supposed to do when you're not around 99% of the time.
ugh. I had such a good day today, too.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Thinking of You.
Thursday, September 22, 2011 8:09 AM /
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I visited him yesterday, he was sick. I think I'm getting sick, but I always get sick, for no apparent reason. I seem to make most of the effort. But at least I'm trying. I may be thinking other things, but I still make the effort. No matter what, Arjel will be my number one. I know it.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
My moment.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011 1:34 PM /
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I'm jealous. I know I was. I yelled at my phone. Said things I shouldn't have. but no one was around to hear it. But that doesn't make it okay. who in their right mind would not be jealous? He's spending everyday with other people, and he's not allowed to see you. WHO. WOULDN'T. BE. JEALOUS? ugh. don't get mad at me. fuck you.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkMlpf1Yxcs&feature=player_embedded#!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011 9:03 PM /
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It's untitled. I love this song <3
so.. last night I cried when I said bye, I started to cry. he told me he cried after also. He didn't sleep for two hours. I asked him why he didnt call me. He said "if I called you, I wouldn't have fallen asleep" it made me sad, and happy at the same time. I miss him. I cannot stress that enough. I love the way he says "babe" and when he says "I love you" in the most sincerest way. I love the feeling that I'm loved, no matter how I look day-by-day, no matter how much I upset him one day. He still is the one who thinks of me. I love him. I always will.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Today, was a very VERY good day. Arjel called me this morning and woke me up, he told me he loves me. I went to class, paid attention. went to my other class, took more notes. It's really frustrating because i'm just on the waiting list and I don't know if I should buy the textbook. But whatever. After that I hung out w/ yvanne and dylan. we went to the chapel, then hung out at the duckworth w/ kimmy. dylan got me a london fog <3. I talked to yvanne about the world. marygrace came <3 then I went to psych w/ dylan. we were bored out of our minds. I miss arjel so much, but I liked today. He made me almost-cry today, he was sad because I was sad. I can't help it. I try not to cry. ugh. boo :( ANYWAYS. i went to dmci w/ dylan, jasmine and ate carmel. then I went home. My day was very good. no matter what I'm going to miss arjel, but I just need to know how to deal with it.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
I Promise You.
Monday, September 12, 2011 7:55 AM /
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It's waiting all this time, and finally seeing him. FINALLY seeing him. It makes it all worth it. He still gives me butterflies in my tummy and makes me wanna hold his hand and kiss him all the time. When I finally was with him, I knew why I was fighting for us for so long. I know I was on the verge of breaking up with him, but I didn't. I knew I didn't want to once I talked to him about it. He loves me so much and I know it. I cannot lose him, I refuse to. Please knock some sense into me next time I become crazy. thanks.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Friends.
Sunday, September 11, 2011 11:08 AM /
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I'm going to see him, its been a little bit over a week. I'm scared, for some weird reason. I think its either, I'll be so excited to see him or that it'll just hurt. I don't want to let go of anything. I don't want to end it. But it just keeps hurting and hurting, he's obviously doing nothing to help. I want him to miss me as much as I miss him. It's really frustrating. :( I'm being told by people I trust the most, ro just end it. I love him, I am IN LOVE with him. will he agree with me? or will he want to make this work? I want him to fight for me. Try to see me.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Beautiful.
Friday, September 9, 2011 11:03 PM /
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I have never felt so ugly in my whole entire life.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Better In Time.
Thursday, September 8, 2011 12:44 PM /
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So I just had a conversation, holding back rivers of tears. I feel so detached. I feel so lost. I'm being extremely honest. He knows how much I'm in love with him and I think that he can just take advantage of it. Everything just totally sucks. I'm trying to be strong. But I'm not trying hard enough. I just constantly keep giving up on me. I keep wondering if all these tears are worth it. All these heartaches. my yearning. I don't know.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Someone Like You.
12:14 PM /
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university day one. I'm in love with the fact that I am a university student. My classes seem pretty stable, except for the one where I'm just on the waitlist. But I know something will work out. It just sucks, walking around not recognizing anyone's face. It sucks. I miss him so much. I don't even know how much or even if he misses me. I cry all the time. I need to stop. I need to be strong. ugh.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Love of a Lifetime.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011 1:17 PM /
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This morning, after I took a shower I looked at my phone and said "one missed call" and arjel's light was blinking. I called him back, no answer. It said he called around 7:15 and I was done at 7:20. I pinned him and pinged him. He called me back. I was wondering why he called me so early, and why he was awake. He said he wanted to give me a wake up call and to tell me to have a good day. I started crying. I was scared of everything. I still am, as I'm writing this. Today was only my orientation. I missed him so much. It hurts not seeing him all the time. But what I'm doing right now, is for our future. for us. I need to fight with everything I have not to ruin what we have. It's normal for me to cry all the time now, but my heart has never hurt so much. But if you think about it, when something breaks, it can repair itself and possibly become stronger. I miss him. I miss him with my everything. He's always going to be in my heart.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Love Like This.
Monday, September 5, 2011 9:05 AM /
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This is for us. This is for
our future. I will take every second I get to see him. I've taken it for granted when I saw him everyday for 3 years of my life. Now I regret it. I regret not making a move with him earlier. He said he misses me more than I miss him. I love him with everything I have. I'd take all the times I was mad at him and hung up, just so I could talk to him longer. I'd give anything.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Fight For Love.
Sunday, September 4, 2011 9:55 PM /
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this really hurts. He's heard it a million times. I know he has. I cry and cry about it. Nothing has been done.
.. and now I'm okay, 2 hours later. oh how I love this kid too much.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
The ticking of the clock never seemed so loud. My thoughts and emotion run as I sit here alone in my room. I'm scared. Scared of everything. Scared for my future. Yes, you've heard this a million times. All those plans I've made with him, I yearn with every molecule in my body for them to come true. Being away from him is so hard now. It's the middle of the day. I miss him so much and I don't know how to handle it. 10 months, all these feelings are still so fresh. I have that pain in my heart, its just like its missing something.. or more like its missing someone. How will I survive this? This is so emotionally straining. How will I focus? Will this work? I love him too much to let him go but what if it was the right thing to do?
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥
Jealous.
Friday, September 2, 2011 9:32 PM /
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It's weird, but this position is far too familiar.
falling for someone, and they end up falling for someone they "used" to have feelings for. And you're just left here with a heart full of feelings and no where to put them.
I'm scared. What is this feeling and why has it come? please.. prove me wrong.
Peace,Love & Harmony,
arjaaah♥